Why I would procreate...

Growing up I never really liked kids and I still am freaked/grossed out by babies. (They have rubbery skin, ICK!) Even after being an uncle for the 5th time. Eventually my nieces and nephews did get old enough to stop crapping themselves and in general become less disgusting.

What changed my viewpoint on the worthlessness of reproducing? Well, one day when me and my brother were helping my sister finish the top half of the house they were living in. My oldest nephew, maybe 3 years old at the time, was of no use. However teaching him to throw drywall screws at my brother was a priceless moment. I never knew kids could be so beneficial to my wants and needs in life.

What is also kind of fun about kids is whatever you tell them is golden! When they were younger and eating a nice chocolate candybar, I told them that chocolate is made out of poop! (How else can you explain tootsie rolls and the nuts in a snickers bar?) The look on their faces was priceless! I can fill an innocent mind with so much pollution it's be astonishing. Needless to say I "disposed" of their candybar.... (a.k.a. eat it when they aren't looking)

The another reason would be to benefit the human race. There are so many god damn idiots out there, that even my kid (with all of my misinformation) would be better than them. With so many immigrants flooding the country I have to leave someone behind that atleast speaks english and pays taxes for all the welfare babies.

Lastly would be the need to have someone to take care of my old retired ass. When I get decrepidly old I would hope one of my own would take better care of me than some group home. At least haul me around like the movie "Weekend at Bernie's" or the dead grandma in "Lampoon's Vacation."