When I was in a relationship a while ago I noticed how the longer the relationship was, the rarer the sex became. I eventually did a cost benefit analysis which overwhelmingly pointed in the direction of me breaking up. So I figured why not share this formula with others...
Breakup Formula- Dollars Spent On Partner Each/Times Sex Was Had Each Month
Pretty self explanatory. I figure any more than $20 for sex is too much.
ex. $500 spent that month/10 bones that month= $50 per bone, give it up lady or time for a new one!
Dating- The act of seeing as many attractive people in rapid succession with the sole purpose of seeing them naked and hopefully "getting a piece" as well. Sex is attained by pretending to be caught up in the moment. (Expensive)
Benefits: Variety, Fun
Penalties: Occasional lonely night
Relationship- The middle point between dating and marriage. Usually the result of thinking you have found as good a mate as you can; but are not engaged yet, just in case you had an error in judgement. Sex is attained by getting partner drunk and/or doing nice things. (Moderately Expensive)
Benefits: Cuddling
Penalties: Angry if you bag somebody else
Marriage- The end of any sexual variety. You have reached your peak. Comparable to a stock broker selling when the stock has maxed out. Sex is garnished except on special occasions. (Lowest maintenace cost)
Benefits: You can get fat without recourse.
Penalty: They can get fat without recourse.
See: "Ring that Plugs The Hole"
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